Ben and the evil king

Once upon a time there lived Ben,his parents and his older sister. Ben has brown hair,he has lots of friends and plays with them.Also he is 5 years old and his sister is 9 years old.Sometimes his sister is mean.

One night,Ben finished his dinner.

“Put on your pyjamas kids!”said Mum.

Both of them slept until the morning.In the middle of the night Ben was near a mansion.

He thought to himself “Where am I?”

He explored the mansion and he felt scared because he saw a creaky door.He can see cobwebs on the top of the mansion.As he continued exploring,he went to the kitchen and saw a dead body! He saw a note and read it.

The note said:I was walking around my house but I saw a person with a corwn in my house! I ran as fast as a cheetah!

As Ben was reading the note he suddenly felt terrified because the man with the crown could be somewhere in the house.The lights weren’t working so it was pitch black.

He slowly tip-toed towards the steep stairs.On the stairs he saw large footprints.He thought that theym could be the man with the crown.He wanted to find out who the footprints belonged to.So he crept up the wonky stairs.As he was walking up the stairs he looked up at the top of the stairs and saw a glimpse of a dark figure with what it looks like a crown.Ben froze and he didn’t know what to do.All of a sudden Ben turned around and ran as fast as he can as he could down the stairs.

“Stop right there”shouted the king

Ben kept on running to the next passage.He was shaking because the man was getting closer.As he ran his legs felt heavy and exhausted and he didn’t know what to do.There was no where to hide and Ben was starting to panic.Ben felt that he got punched in the back very hard that he fell to the floor.

As Ben looked up he could see that the man was smiling.

“What do you want,”said Ben”Why are you trying to hurt me?”

“I am the king of this house,you shouldn’t be here”exclamed the king.

“I don’t know how I fot here,where am I?”cried Ben.

“You liar!”screamed the King.

What do you think of my story so far?

How do you think I could improve it.





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2 thoughts on “Ben and the evil king

  1. A very good post there. I think you need to add some detail to your post.Where does Ben live?What is the King called? What is Ben’s sister called? What are the parent’s names? Try and add some more detail to your post so that when the readers read it, they will understand it more.

    • This is very good feedback Joylin, thank you vey much. Maybe if Vinayak does some more work on this you could see if he has made is writing better? Maybe you could give him some more feedback??

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